All for Nothing
by x.SodeNoZangetsu.x
Summary: "Ellie, listen to me. I need you to..." "No! No, Joel, I won't do it!" "Please! Please... You have to." Ellie and Joel deal with their toughest and most tragic moment yet. WARNING: Character death


**Wanted to try my hand at angst and tragedy and what better fandom to try it with than the depressing-ness that is Last of Us! So, a fair warning, angst and tragedy ahoy. May wish to get the tissues out, I don't know…**

**Disclaimer: The wonderful game Last of Us is owned by the brilliant masterminds that are Naughty Dog. I am only using the following for creative control. **

**Please review!**

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.:All for Nothing:.

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"How close are we to Salt Lake City? It's getting fucking hot out here."

"Should be just a couple more miles, accordin' to this map."

It had been a few weeks since Joel and Ellie had departed Colorado. Each day had been getting steadily hotter, meaning spring was inevitably on its way. After this winter, however, it was a welcomed blessing. Trudging through feet of snow and blistering winds had been getting old and tiring. Now with the snow melting, they were finally able to cover more ground. Travel had been picking up and Salt Lake City was looming closer and closer each and every day.

_Thank God,_ Joel thought as they continued their trek down the interstate. _This crusade is about over_.

Truthfully, Joel had been considering other options lately. Was turning Ellie over to the Fireflies truly the right thing to do? They had grown considerably closer since departing from Boston. Joel had taken quite a liking to the teen, despite the guilt he occasionally felt when thoughts of Ellie prevailed over Sarah.

"Joel?"

Joel shook his head to clear it, focusing on the girl beside him.

"Hmmm?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"Uh, nothing. Not a thing."

Ellie chuckled. "You're a bad liar, you know?"

"What's it to you?" Joel retorted, although with a playful undertone. "You suddenly become my shrink?"

"We could both probably use one after this last winter," Ellie replied, a shadow crossing her face.

"Hey," Joel nudged her. "No thinkin' 'bout that, you hear? I thought we agreed it was in the past."

"Kinda hard to put behind you, though, right?" she mumbled.

Joel stopped. "Ellie," he sighed. "I know it is, alright? It's just…"

"Keep finding something to fight for, I know."

Joel half-heartedly smiled. "Right."

Ellie continued walking. Knowing she wasn't satisfied with his answer, Joel figured he should go ahead and bring up what had been plaguing his mind lately.  
"You know," he started, causing Ellie to halt. "We don't have to do this."

"What do you mean?" she asked, coming back to him.

"This. This whole charade."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "And do what?"

"Go back to Tommy's," Joel responded. "Live a normal life."

"After all we've done? How far we've come?"

Ellie paused. Joel held her gaze, waiting for her to continue.

"It can't all be for nothing," she breathed.

"It might all be anyway," Joel felt the need to argue. "We've been chasing the Fireflies across the country. What if once again we find 'em all gone? Dead?"

"Then we find them dead and go back to Tommy's."

"Ellie-."

"No, Joel," Ellie cut him off. "We're doing this. For Tess. For Sam. Marlene; everyone."

"Alright then," Joel conceded.

He kicked himself for giving in so easily, but he had to admire the flame of determination in her eyes. After all the turmoil and hell this last winter had been, she was still rearing to press on. She had heart, she had courage, and Joel admired her with every fiber of his being.

XxXxX

"Should be around here somewhere," Joel mumbled, dropping off the top of a bus.

Ellie quickly followed suit. Glancing around briefly, she pointed to a tall building off in the distance.

"That it?"

Joel turned to look. Sure enough, the letters HOSP hung precariously on the side of the building, the other letters having fallen off long ago.

"That's it," Joel confirmed. "We're close, kiddo. C'mon."

The straight shot to it had to of course be blocked off by walls of a quarantine zone. They would have to take a detour. Joel called Ellie over to a ramp leading down to a tunnel. She followed his lead.

Climbing over yet another bus, Ellie nearly jumped down on top of Joel as he came to a sudden halt, his body becoming rigid.

"Jesus, Joel," Ellie grumbled. "Want to warn me next time you-?"

"Shush," he ordered. "Infected."

Ellie strained her ears and could indeed hear the moans and clicks coming from down the tunnel.

"Shit," she whispered.

"Sounds like there's a lot of 'em," Joel whispered back. "Keep extremely quiet."

Ellie only nodded in response.

Joel carefully began to walk around a stalled car, crouching and keeping low to the ground. Ellie never left his shadow. Peering over the car, they could see the enemies before them. Ellie took note of the almost-worried look on Joel's face. She determined it was well-placed. There were an awful lot of them.

Joel slowly took a Molotov from his bag. Lighting it, he aimed it at a horde of five clickers before chucking it. His near-perfect aim didn't fail and the clickers immediately caught fire. Of course, their squealing and clamoring alerted the other Infected to the fact that they were not alone.

"Joel!" Ellie exclaimed, pointing to a group of runners coming at them.

Whipping out his pistol, Joel started firing off shots, hearing Ellie joining in alongside him.

"Behind you!" Ellie shouted, alerting him to more clickers coming at them from an open door.

"Shit, we're drastically outnumbered," Joel grumbled. Grabbing Ellie's arm, he bolted. "We've gotta run."

They darted down the tunnel, shooting off rounds when they could, taking out only a few Infected.

Then, in the blink of an eye, it happened.

It had all happened so fast, Ellie remembered. One second he was pulling her along, and the next he was on the ground, a clicker on top of him.

"Joel!"

Ellie ran back to him, removing a shiv from her sack. She went for the clicker but its thrashing knocked the shiv out of her hand. When she started reaching for her knife, she noticed a runner heading towards her.

"Fuck," she cursed.

She made quick business of him before turning back to Joel who was still struggling with the clicker. His pistol lay beside him on the ground, out of reach with both his hands busy attempting to push the clicker off of him. Ellie swooped to grab the pistol, immediately firing it at the bastard's head. With a gurgle and sputter it collapsed on top of Joel. He shoved it off and Ellie sent one more round through its head for good measure.

Joel staggered to his feet before grabbing Ellie and taking off again, the ambush left unmentioned.

They could hear more Infected coming after them. The rest of the city had seemed so peaceful, Ellie had hoped it would remain as such. Of course with their luck, they had all congregated in the tunnel it seemed.

"There!" Joel hollered. "That door!"

He pushed her in front of him.

"Go and get inside!" he told her as he came to a halt.

"What about you?!" Ellie demanded.

"I'll hold them off! Just go!" Ellie remained still. "Damnit, Ellie, _go_!"

Hesitating only a second longer, she turned and took off.

Joel took out all three nail bombs from his bag and threw them in between himself and the quickly approaching Infected. Next he removed two more Molotov's and hurled them down the hallway.

Not waiting to see if they hit their mark or not, Joel spun around and headed towards the door Ellie had disappeared into. Upon entering, he slammed the door shut, just in time to hear several explosions. He felt the door vibrate at the force.

"Shit," Ellie mumbled. "Did we get them?"

Joel pressed his ear to the door. Nothing. No sounds of Infected. They had done it. They had killed them.

"We got 'em," Joel replied.

Ellie let out a tremendous sigh. "Holy fuck, that was intense!"

Joel remained as he stood, not turning to face her and join in her rejoicing.

"You okay?" she asked Joel's back.

She heard Joel let out a shuddering sigh and her heart immediately dropped.

"No."

Ellie began to walk towards him when he finally spun to face her.

She first noticed his eyes. They held a deep sadness in them. Sadness, anger, guilt...

Fear.

Her eyes trailed down to his shoulder which was saturated in blood and she let out a strangled cry.

Surrounding the cut, traces of a white fungi had already begun to appear.

"No…"

He was bit. Joel was bit.

"W-What do we do? J-Joel…what-what do we do?" she stammered, fear taking hold of her.

Joel closed the distance between them and grasped her shoulders, the grip in his right hand lacking.

"Listen to me," he said, his voice shaky and unsteady, "I need you to-."

"No!" Ellie yelled, pulling away and knowing what he was going to say. "Fuck no, Joel! I won't do it!"

"Please," he begged, his voice pleading, the weakest Ellie had ever heard it. "Please."

Ellie could only shake her head. "I can't." A single tear trailed down her cheek.

His right hand fell to his side, now completely limp. It felt like venom seeping through his veins. He could almost feel the infection flowing through his system. He reached to grab his shoulder with his left hand. He didn't have much time. The bite was deep, unlike Sam's which had merely been a scratch. He doubted he had an hour left.

Backing into a wall, Joel slid down its length. Ellie rushed to his side.

"Joel?!"

She could hear his breaths becoming heavy, an occasional grunt interrupting them when a dart of pain would pass through.

"Ellie, please…" Joel continued to beg. "Don't let me turn."

"How-how do you think I can just _k-kill you_?!" she shouted. "Damnit, Joel, it's not that easy!"

"It has to be!" he shouted back at her, mainly out of fear rather than anger. He immediately quieted. "It has to be…"

"W-What if…" Ellie thought, "What if we cut your arm off? The infection couldn't spread then, right?"

She knew it sounded completely ludicrous, but she was frantic. Grimacing, Joel only shook his head.

"Infection's already spread," he mumbled. "Won't do any good."

_Fuck._ Ellie fretted.

"How about-?"

"Damnit, Ellie, just shoot me!" he cried.

"_No_! You're still here, Joel! I can't… I can't just…"

He heard her begin to sob and his heart ached for her. He didn't want it to come to this, but what other choice was there? He was bit and he sure as hell wasn't going to turn into one of those things.

"What if you're immune? Like me?" Ellie then suggested, pulling anything she could from her head. "I waited to turn, but never did. M-Maybe you're immune too."

Joel actually let out a chuckle at that.

"That'd be gettin' off too easy now, wouldn't it?"

"Joel," she whimpered, nearly crawling into his lap in an embrace. "You can't die. You can't leave me alone."

By now, tears were running freely down Joel's face as well.

"Oh, baby girl," he whispered into her hair. "I'm so sorry."

"This isn't fair," Ellie said. "Everyone… Everyone I've known—everyone I've ever _loved_—has been taken away from me. They can't take you, Joel. You were supposed to be the exception."

Wiping his eyes, Joel pulled away from her embrace, moving to lay down, the strength to keep himself upright getting too tiresome.

"I'm sorry, Ellie," he repeated. "I'm so…so sorry."

Ellie gently grabbed his head and pulled him so he was in her lap. She let her fingers run through his hair as she watched his eyes close, a small, almost-peaceful smile on his face. One she had never seen on him before.

"Joel?!" she called, afraid he had left her already.

"I'm still here," he uttered.

He then opened his eyes to look up at her.

"You have to get to the hospital," he said, a hardness surpassing the fear and sadness in his eyes. "You have to."

"I can't. Not without you," Ellie mumbled.

"Ellie, baby, you're so close," he whispered to her. "This whole thing… It can't be for nothing, right?"

She let a small smile flash across her face as he repeated her words from earlier.

"I know you can do it," he told her, reaching up to stroke her cheek. "Just like I know you can…" He trailed off as a tear leaked out of his eye.

Ellie fought hard to fight off the wave of tears that threatened to fall.

"When you begin to turn," she uttered. "When you begin to turn, I'll…"

Joel only nodded, closing his eyes again. Ellie continued to sit there, her hands playing through his hair, reminding her that he was still here. At this moment, he was still Joel; he was still hers.

They sat there for a few minutes in silence, Ellie basking in the sound of Joel's heavy breathing.

"Joel," she suddenly said, aching to get this off her chest. "Before… I need you to know that I…I love you." She paused to wipe the tears from her eyes. "I know you said back at Tommy's that you weren't my father, but you are. You're the father I never had, but always yearned for. So…thank you."

"I love you too, baby girl," Joel whispered, his eyes remaining closed. "I was wrong at Tommy's. You may not be Sarah, but you are still my daughter. I just wish I hadn't lied back then. I was...afraid. Afraid that I couldn't have two daughters, but I was wrong."

Wiping another tear away, Ellie leaned down and kissed Joel on the forehead.

"Joel…" she whimpered, her forehead resting on the place her lips had just touched.

Joel's eyes opened then, as his breathing slowly and quietly came to a halt.

Ellie lifted her head upon noticing the silence.

"Joel?"

She watched in horror as the whites of his eyes turned yellow, his pupils dilating to almost twice their normal size. He started to breathe again, but it had drastically changed. Now it was gravelly, an occasional shudder with each release. A few seconds passed before he groaned and Ellie filled with dread when she heard the moaning she could only associate with the Infected. Afraid to move, Ellie continued to sit there as she watched his eyes begin to dart around. They were glazed over and if Sam could ask her now if she thought the human being was still inside, she would be able to wholeheartedly answer no.

His eyes locked onto hers and Ellie froze, her breaths caught in her throat. Joel continued to stare at her, the occasional gurgle coming from his mouth. Slowly, in hopes not to alarm him, Ellie reached for her gun laying beside her. Her other hand meanwhile went down towards his face. Joel's eyes followed her hand as it went to stroke his cheek. Then, suddenly, with a howl, Joel lurched up at her.

The gun went off, Joel went still, and the tears began to fall.

Leaning down to cover his body, Ellie wept openly.

She was alone. Utterly and painfully alone. And this time, she knew, the loneliness could never be mended.


End file.
